Title: Memory Lane
Fandom: Women's Murder Club
Pairing: Lindsay/Joe & Lindsay/Jill
Disclaimer: WMC and all characters within do not belong to me (unfortunately). They belong to James Patterson – I am just borrowing them. I promise. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is being made from this little bit of fiction.
Summary: Lindsay still hasn't accepted Joe's proposal and a trip down memory lane tells her why.
Archive: By request only – just ask. I don't bite.
A/N: This is actually based more on the book series than the television one. It is written after '3rd Degree' and somewhere between '7th Heaven' and '8th Confession' (because I am still reading the last one!). Sorry to those of you who are more inclined to prefer the television version.
Spoilers: As per the book series – Jill's state of being remains consistent with the events contained within 3rd Degree.
Lindsay laid there, staring up at the ceiling. 03:28 am. The time projected onto the ceiling, by the high-tech clock sitting on the nightstand, in big red digits. She should have been sleeping but there she was, laying awake as Joe, her hunk of a man, lay sleeping beside her, snoring lightly. She knew why she was awake, why she was having so much trouble sleeping. As her body rolled, facing away from her lover's, she thought about the fight they had had earlier that evening. The subject of this fight had been the same as the last, and the one before that. He wanted her answer.
Things between Joe and Lindsay had been wonderful when they had first started, but his job as Deputy Director for Homeland Security had him flying in and out of her life so quickly it made her head spin. Eventually it had become too much and Lindsay had tried to walk away. She had tried to let him go, yet he had come chasing after her. When he had given up his role as Deputy Director and moved out to San Fransico to be with her, Lindsay had thought that just maybe, she would get that piece of happily ever after she was entitled to. So why were they always fighting now? She knew the reason – Joe wanted her to marry him, had presented her with a beautiful diamond ring more than 12 months ago.
The ring was not on her finger. It was still encased within the small velvet box, tucked safely within her clothes drawer. And that is why they fought. He wanted her answer, but she was afraid to give it to him.
Lindsay lay there, her body tense, her eyes closed tightly as if that very action could hold tears she had not yet shed at bay. Wisps of blonde hair framed her face as she opened her eyes, staring silently at the photo frame resting upon her night stand. The picture showed her girls, her best friends. It had been taken after the Bride & Groom case had been solved, after she had mourned the loss of her partner Chris and reconnected with herself. The four of them smiled back at her from the night stand. Claire, her ever faithful butterfly. Cindy, her own personal pit bull who had managed to crash her crime scene and ended up becoming one of her closest friends. And Jill, smart, sexy, confident, assistant DA, Jill. Jill – the reason she couldn't give him an answer.
Fingertips curled tightly around soft downy pillow as Lindsay fought against the memories that assailed her, memories that sometimes haunted her and left her more unsure of herself than anything else could. Jill. God, how she missed her. With a resigned sigh, Lindsay allowed the memories to overtake her, taking her to another time.
The Bride & Groom case had been solved. Lindsay's partner Chris Raleigh had been laid to rest with full police honours. Lindsay had taken some time off the job to grieve, heading up the coast to visit her sister Cat with her ever faithful border collie Sweet Martha. When she had come back home her best friends had been waiting for her, their usual booth at Suzie's a welcomed sight. And so the four of them crowded into their booth, ordering some quedillas and several rounds of margaritas. Claire had made a toast for Chris, everyone bowing their heads slightly out of respect. That was when Lindsay had first noticed Jill's hand resting lightly on her thigh.
The night had continued on, each of the girls filling Lindsay in on the various things that had ben going on while she had been away. Cindy was dating this really cute guy, though she didn't expect it to last. Claire and Edmund were thinking about taking a holiday overseas now that the boys were old enough to look after themselves for a few weeks. And Jill, Jill was looking forward to closing this big case she was currently prosecuting involving a celebrity NFL player and a whole lot of drugs. Something about her reluctance to talk about things outside of her work struck a chord with Lindsay. She found her hand falling to rest lightly upon Jill's, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze. When Jill went to pull her hand away, Lindsay's grip tightened ever so gently, keeping her hand in place. As their eyes met, neither one could deny that something was happening between them. They might not have known exactly what it was, but it was something.
So after one too many margaritas, the girls decided to call it a night. Jill's husband Rick was out of town, and she really did not want to be home on her own. Taking up her briefcase, she said goodnight to Claire and Cindy, asking Lindsay if she needed a ride back to The Hall.
“Why on earth are you going back to work?” Lindsay had asked.
“Ahh, well Rick is away and I don't feel like going home to an empty house, so I figured I would go back to my office and work on my closing for Monday,” came Jill's slightly stilted response.
“Well, Counsellor, consider yourself off the clock,” Lindsay joked, taking Jill's hand and leading her towards the taxi cab that had just pulled up, dropping patrons off. Something about the feel of Jill's hand in her own sent a jolt of electricity through Lindsay.
The ride back to Potrero Hill had been a quiet one, both women lost in their own personal thoughts about what was happening between them. Unlocking the front door to her apartment, Lindsay was greeted by her four legged companion, crouching down to pat Martha before introducing her to Jill.
“Sweet Martha, this is my very special friend Jill. You be nice okay?” she spoke softly to the panting border collie.
Martha immediately went over to Jill, nuzzling her leg softly.
“It's very nice to meet you,” Jill laughed softly, reaching down to scratch behind Martha's ear.
Lindsay showed Jill through to the bathroom, offering her a shirt to change into as she went back out into the kitchen, opening a bottle of wine. The two women spent the rest of the evening talking, drinking wine and laughing. It occurred to Lindsay, at one point, just how much she enjoyed the sound of Jill's laughter. Jill, trusting Lindsay, then shared with her a secret she had not told any of the girls. She and Lindsay talked about Jill's cutting, about what it was that was always driving her to be the best,about how she felt like something was missing from her life. Lindsay listened to her friend, cried with her when she cried and laughed with her when she needed cheering up.
That night, as they lay side by side in Lindsay's bed, Lindsay thought about everything Jill had said, and not said. She thought about how Jill's hand had felt on her thigh at Suzie's. She thought about how she had wanted to feel Jill's hands on other parts of her body as well, and how that had surprised her a little. She thought about how it had felt to hold Jill's hand in her own, about how she had wanted to hold her in her arms. She thought about all the things Jill had said tonight, in the safety of her apartment, about feeling like something was missing and knowing just how that felt. And then she felt Jill's hand slide tentatively onto her hip.
“Lindsay...” Jill whispered softly, nervousness making her voice sound even quieter in the dark room.
Lindsay rolled over, her eyes locking with Jill's for a brief moment before their lips met. Their kiss had been tentative at first, Lindsay, waiting for Jill to pull back or withdraw. When Jill's arms entwined about Lindsay's neck, causing her body to press more completely against her own, her confidence soared. Her tongue danced within Jill's mouth, swirling about her own tongue, tasting her. Soft hands ran lightly down Jill's back, slipping up underneath the shirt she wore before gently cupping the round firm curve of her ass. Jill could hear herself whimpering softly against Lindsay's lips as pleasure ran through her entire body.
Soon the need to feel flesh upon flesh was too great for each of them. Jill pulled impatiently at Lindsay's shirt, pulling it up and over the tall blonde woman's head before tossing it to the floor. Lindsay took care of Jill's shirt in short order before rolling the petite woman beneath her. The mingled groans, as flesh met flesh, filled the silence in the room. Mouths explored, fingers caressed, bodies entwined. The feel of Jill's breasts within Lindsay's palms had been exquisite. Lindsay had revelled in the sounds of Jill's moans as her lips had enclosed upon a stiff, hardened nipple.
Jill's body felt like it was on fire, like Lindsay was touching her everywhere at once. Her body ached in a way it hadn't in years. She had never felt this alive with Rick. Truth be told, she had never felt this alive ever. She wanted Lindsay to touch her, she wanted her inside her. She couldn't stand it any longer. As her fingernails dug into Lindsay's shoulders gently, the soft pleading words fell from her lips.
“Please, Lindsay...I need you. I need you inside me.”
It was the most erotic thing Lindsay had ever heard. She was sure she had almost come from the effect those words had had on her. Her mouth devoured Jill's, relishing the way she returned the hunger in her kiss, savouring the way the beautiful woman tasted. Soft, delicate fingers caressed lightly over the rippling flesh of Jill's thighs, stroking gently along her inner thigh. Lindsay couldn't help but groan into Jill's mouth as her fingertips came in contact with the very wet evidence of Jill's arousal. Jill's body shuddered with that first feel of Lindsay's fingers against her sex. She thought she would pass out as she felt Lindsay slip two fingers deep inside her.
Jill was so open. So tight and wet. Her sex clenched about Lindsay's fingers as she stroked slowly in and out of her. Her hips undulated in time with the quickening thrusts of Lindsay's fingers, riding them closer and closer to release. She clung to Lindsay, nails digging into the toned shoulders that braced above her as her orgasm finally overcame her.
“Oh god! I love you!” she moaned into the dark room, her body convulsing with each wave of her climax.
Lindsay lay atop Jill, panting softly, staring down at the face of the woman who had passed out beneath her. Did she hear her right? Had Jill just said she loved her? Had her heart really flip-flopped when she had heard those words? Jill whimpered softly in her unconscious state as Lindsay carefully withdrew from inside her. As Lindsay curled herself around the smaller woman, she brought her fingers to her mouth, tasting Jill. Her eyes rolled slightly at the intoxicating taste upon her lips, her heart clenching beneath her breast as she realised one simple thing. She loved Jill too.
Morning came streaming through the curtains with brilliant rays of sunlight. The two had slept throughout the remainder of the night, Lindsay spooned around Jill's body, holding her back against her securely. Jill's eyes opened sleepily, her body stilling as she felt Lindsay's arms tighten reflexively around her in her sleep. She didn't need to look down, she felt Lindsay's hand cupping her breast possessively. Panic warred with desire as she laid there, part of her wanting to just stay in Lindsay's arms, the other part fearing the freak out that she was sure was going to occur once her friend woke up and realised what they had done whilst feeling the effects of many margaritas and glasses of wine. Too much to drink, yes that was what it was. She had confessed her feelings because she had had too much to drink. Hadn't she?
Finally panic won out and Jill rolled over in Lindsay's arms, trying to disentangle herself from the sleeping woman. Her eyes locked with the now open gaze of her sleeping companion, her panic shutting off even her breathing. Her whole body tensed, waiting for the awkward, freak out to begin.
“I love you too,” Lindsay said softly, before dipping her head slightly to capture Jill's lips with her own.
They clung to each other, riding the waves of release together as they made love that morning, margaritas no longer a necessary excuse.
Lindsay's memories shifted...
She was sitting in Jill's office after the end of a very long day. She hadn't been alone with her lover in over a week, each of them too busy with work to find time for each other. Lindsay had found the time and was keen to show her lover just how much she had missed her that week. But as she began undressing Jill, as she peeled her silk top delicately from her shoulders, making sure to brush her lips against each bit of flesh that was revealed to her, she saw the bruises. What the hell was going on?
“What are those?” Lindsay had asked, her voice questioning.
“Baby, please.....don't,” Jill had said, her hand cupping Lindsay's cheek softly.
“Did Rick do that to you?” Lindsay demanded, the anger in her voice no longer hidden. She searched Jill's eyes, knowing the answer before she even heard it fall from her lover's lips.
“Yes,” was all Jill could manage, shame engulfing her.
Lindsay tilted her lover's face up to look at her, her eyes shimmering with protectiveness and love.
“I love you. I won't sit here and watch him hurt you. I won't!”
Jill could only nod her head, hearing the vehemence in her lover's voice. She sobbed softly as she felt Lindsay's lips press against her own. Lindsay was gentle, tender as she made love to Jill. Rage and anger still burned inside her, but she was not going to take that out on Jill. Jill deserved so much better than that.
As she helped refasten the buttons on Jill's shirt, some time later, she spoke softly.
“I want you to leave Rick, Jill. Come and live with Martha and me.”
The smile that lit up Jill's face was breathtaking, her lips crushing Lindsay's in a passionate kiss. It was a long time later before either one of them was appropriately dressed.
Later that night, as Lindsay lay in bed thinking about everything that had happened that day, Jill had kicked Rick out. Lindsay had been so happy when Jill had called, telling her she had finally done it. She had wanted to go over there, to see Jill, to be with her. But Jill had asked her to be patient. She had said she needed to be alone that night, to just process everything that had happened. Jill had said tomorrow she would start her new life...her life with Lindsay.
Jill hadn't shown up for work that day. She hadn't answered her phone. No one had seen or heard from her. Even Rick hadn't known where she was. And then Lindsay and Cindy had found her, having been called out to a homicide scene. That night was burned into Lindsay's mind, was the cause of her nightmares. The sight of Jill's naked body, the way they had dumped her like they had. Her killers had paid the ultimate price, but it brought Lindsay little comfort. It didn't bring her lover back.
A sob escaped Lindsay, Jill's name muffled behind her fist as silent tears streaked down her face. Joe's body rolled over, pulling Lindsay back into the protective warmth of his arms.
“Shhhh. It's okay, Blondie. Just a dream,” he mumbled sleepily into her hair.
She knew now why she couldn't give her sweet gorgeous man an answer. She just didn't know what she was going to do about it. Lindsay laid there, wrapped safely in Joe's arms for the rest of the night, listening to the steady sound of his breathing as he held her in his sleep.
Major kudos to s0phi4 for the cool icon!