What this was doing was putting her in intense amounts of pain. It was putting a lot of pressure on her nerves in the spine, which was making walking painful and difficult. She would often limp and struggle to go up a few stairs, or jump out of the back of the truck. The lesion on her spine was also interrupting the message of the nerves in her back to her brain, so that she didn't know she needed to go to the toilet.
Spondylosis is a degenerative condition that would gradually get worse and worse. Ultimately, she would have ended up with paralysis in her hind legs, inability to control her bowels which would have resulted in her waking up in pools of her own urine and faeces, and she would not have been able to walk properly.
It hurt me to see her suffering like this already. It would have destroyed me to allow her to get that sick. So I took in a nice thick cut of Porterhouse Steak to work for her final meal and she and I shared a beer and then my Corporal and I took her to the vet. The vet was great, he completely discussed all options with us, so that we knew euthanasia was the best thing for her. Then he gave her a strong tranquilliser. She just hung around me then laid down in my lap as she started to get a little sleepy. I sat with her for a good 20 minutes talking to her and just patting her while she started to drift off to sleep. And then we picked her up and took her into the operating room. I kept my hands on her at all times, stroking her neck while I whispered into her ear at how much I was going to miss her and how much she meant to me. And then I said goodbye, as the vet administered the "green dream". I stayed with her while her heartbeat slowed, until it finally stopped.
I said my goodbyes, apologised for letting her down and for letting her go, and then I left to grieve.
The crematorium has been in contact with me. They have my girl and will be cremating her tomorrow. I will be able to pick her up early next week. They are giving me a nice box with a photo and plaque on it at no additional cost. It will be good to have her home with me here, where she belongs.
I think, once she is home, I will start to feel better.